Reflections on Me
Jul. 16th, 2010 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bravelionessI know this sounds conceited, but I've never done a journal entry like this before. Something my Sensei said today just made me want to reflect on my life so far. Because after seeing her opinion, it really felt like putting my life into a completely different perspective.
The truth is
I'm a poor girl. I don't feel poor at all, to be honest. And I'm sure to my Senseis and friends, it doesn't seem like I'm poor at all. I remember, after meeting Leslie Kee (the one who photographed Shinjiro Atae), his assistant really didn't believe Marysa and I were just poor farm girls, maybe because we were at Omotesando Hills (aka the rich district) or because we had dressed nice for the event. I don't know for sure.
But my life story is something like this. Six years ago, our dad took everything from our family. When he split from mom, he demanded either the house or some form of monetary compensation from her. He didn't want us or our sister. In the end, to keep a roof over our heads, mom had to choose the money. And so, because of the bad courts in our home state, dad was given mom's entire pension as compensation.
Since then, it's been a downward slope for her, and for all of us (though I still believe it's toughest on mom). Never enough money to feed the entire family, always behind on the bills, always being laid off from her job...She has it so tough. And yet she always finds time for us. Last year, our grandmother moved into the house with her. She was already having a hard time taking care of four people, imagine five! Things have gotten even worse for her, so much so that she can't afford to send us a single penny for being out here.
In our case, Marysa and I just got used to nights with little to no dinner. Mom always tried her best to have a dinner on the table, but some nights it just wasn't possible. Those were rare and far between of course, because she always managed to spend the little money she had on making sure we were all well-fed. I always wished Marysa or I could help out, but the truth is, considering how small our state is and how there are already too many people there, jobs were very scarce (and nationwide in America, it is becoming a problem), and it was impossible to find a place to work, especially considering a) we lived in the country where there were few jobs and b) we'd have to drive to the city for work, but we only had one car, and that was for mom.
Going to college...that was both a blessing and a burden for our family, I think. In America, colleges and universities have this system called FAFSA, which looks at tax returns and other personal information of students and their parents, to determine how much the government should pay towards the student's education. Because our family was already so poor, our expected family contribution for college (for both of us) was $0. I remember one of our friend's families was expected to pitch in $100,000. Hearing that, I couldn't believe it. I didn't think then and I still almost don't how weird it is for someone to have an expectation of $0 to pitch in for college.
Anyway, Marysa and I got accepted into the Honors program of our current university with everything completely paid for by the state (this was probably due not only to our social status, but also because of the straight-A grades we managed to maintain in high school). While some of these payments were government loans, everything was still paid for. Maybe this was because they also recognized us as first generation college students, and twins, meaning the same family would have to pay double the tuition. I'm not sure.
Anyway, first and second semester of our freshman year were amazing. Because of the full scholarships, we were basically okay. We both were given jobs (as part of our financial aid package) and so were finally able to work. I'll never forget our amazing freshman year. But the bad things started happening in sophomore year. When we returned to school for fall of that year, we were in a rut, because the dorms were now too expensive, enough so that we didn't have enough money--even with all the government money--to live in one. All semester we were haunted by the looming $2,000 we had not been able to pay because our financial aid didn't cover it. By that point, we also didn't have a single dime to our names, so there were nights where we just didn't eat at all. On top of that, a rich snob on the internet had also started attacking us, the reasons for which I'll never fully understand. Because we didn't agree with her "pairing" or because we had created a similar website to hers....That website had only been created by us to give us something to enjoy, aside from school work. Whatever the reason though, her insanity had doubled the huge problems already in our life.
But we tried not to focus on that. Even though the school was supposed to give us a job as part of our financial aid, they refused to do so, even though we had done so well with our other job the previous year that we'd been given a scholarship because of it! And so, we went hungry with our school caring very little. Eventually, a temporary job opportunity popped up. First we had planned to work at Burger King, because it was the only place hiring, but even after one day, the manager--an immigrant to America--insisted that she needed to hold onto our social security cards, or she wouldn't pay us. Considering that the social security card is basically your identity in America, that was impossible to do, so we had to quit.
The other job...That was even worse. It was to work as a campaigner for a guy who was running for the state comptroller election for two weeks. Every day we had work, we had to walk the 50+ blocks up to his office, to pick up the campaigning fliers and other materials, and then head out. Our job? It was to sneak into security-guarded apartments to knock on people's doors and ask them who they would be voting for in the comptroller elections. Then we would have to record their answers and give them information about the guy we were campaigning for. I'll never forget being chased down the stairs by a security guard in one building, or watching one of our fellow campaigners get shoved by the old man whose apartment door she had knocked on. So many people insisted they were calling security, while some others were very nice. But regardless of how nice some were, it didn't justify the job. Apparently, this job was actually forcing us to sneak into closed apartment complexes. Meaning that if we were caught, we'd be arrested. At the time, we had no idea, doing it just because we needed the money. But even then, I knew I didn't want the guy I was campaigning for to win, just because of his dirty tactics (and he didn't win, for the record).
Unfortunately, without a choice, Marysa and I had to complete that job. And I guess, eventually, we became well-known amongst the leaders of the campaign, because we walked to work every day, were very friendly with everyone we met at the apartment doors (we got invited in by a lot of sweet old women, and one old lady talked with us for a very long time, asking us to come back if we could), and actually managed to complete two apartment buildings in one day, both of which were buildings on the outskirts of the city and had been neglected the entire campaign. I think our work ethic was appreciated, at least.
Anyway, in regards to that, we were finally paid, and finally able to start buying food again. Of course we eventually ran out of the money we made (since the job had been a temporary one or two weeks), but it helped. And it also helped that we had a good friend to support us along the way. Eventually, when we ran out of money again, there arose the problem of getting home for Thanksgiving holiday. We were so sure it was impossible. For Thanksgiving, our grandmother was moving into our home, and we wanted to be home to help out. Luckily, our good friend and professor drove all the way to the state our university is in, just to bring us home.
We had a good Thanksgiving together that semester, though the moving was tough (and once again, our friend/professor helped with the move). But that was also when the attacks by the internet stalker got worse. She started pretending to be different people and using those fake names to attack us. I'll never forget the night we had to return to our school--a four-hour trip by car. We had gone on our website, only to find that that girl was pretending to be some guy she had made up, just to attack us publicly. Knowing the hell we were returning to and that our website had been a means of happiness for us, that was one of the worst things imaginable.
When we got back to school, despite the attacks online, despite the lack of food again, Marysa and I never lost sight of our dreams to return to Japan. We had gone the summer before because our Japanese friends had expected us to visit them, with the combined money from our job the previous semester and some help from our friend. Japan had been amazing, and we knew it was the place we had to be. And so, through it all, we maintained a straight-A average in school last semester, and applied for Japan. And were accepted. I think that was what got us through the rest of the semester, the knowledge of where we would soon be.
Once fall semester ended, we went home and tried to find a job again. Luckily, our friend recommended us to work at a college bookstore in our home state. And we ended up getting a job there that later paid for our flight to Japan for this semester. The rest of the money we had to live on here? It was taken from the financial aid of our home tuition. Because of the partner program our home school has with our school here in Japan, we only had to pay our home school's tuition. This meant that some money would be left over, because we didn't need to pay for a dorm out there.
That was the money we were using to live out here. And of course, eventually it ran out. Considering we were so used to living with nothing at our home school, we didn't think too much of it. The problem was that, unlike at our home school, our apartment here is much farther from the school. At home, our school was a five minute walk from our dorm. Because our Japanese class here met every single day of the week, it became impossible for us to walk there every day, especially in the heat. We missed many classes because of it.
Another reason why we ended up stopping going to Japanese class altogether was because of the discrimination there. Not to anyone else, but just to Marysa and I. I don't know why our teacher treated us the way she did...maybe she just didn't like twins. But from the very beginning, no matter how much we told her that Japanese was our major and our passion, she just didn't believe us, or just didn't care. When we got an answer right in class, she would only say, "Ii deshou." (Maybe that's right), whereas for anyone else in the class, if they got an answer right, she would say "Ii desuyo!" (That's right!). When she told everyone in class to pick a partner to practice with in class, she told everyone they could work with their friends, but always insisted Marysa and I could not work together because we were "twins." There was lots of other things she did too, like taking points off of our tests for things that other students didn't get marked wrong on. And then other stupid things in class. But eventually, because of our missed classes from not being able to walk to school, we lost full attendance points. And later, when we took a quick, one-week job to pay for our food out here and to hopefully get a subway pass, we had to miss two days of school in order to work. Because of those two days, Sensei took away all our class participation points as well. Even when we explained our situation to her, she didn't care. She didn't care at all. And she probably didn't believe it either (or, at least, she didn't consider it). Instead, for all the days where we had been absent and had missed a test or quiz, she counted that test or quiz as a 0. She didn't give us the option to make the tests up or to just not count them. Instead, she said they would count as 0s. Meaning that the 90 average we had on all our other tests wouldn't matter, because the 0s would automatically destroy our grade.
Even though we came to Japan to learn Japanese, we stopped going to that class. There's no reason, considering we no longer receive points for "attending" or for "class participation." We already had enough 0s on tests where we had been absent that our good grades in the class no longer mattered. So our plan is to go to the final exam of that class and ace it, since we understand the material taught in class and have been teaching ourselves from home. In that way, maybe we can pass with a D. (Which to me is still an F.)
But, despite this, we're very lucky
I think, because of the opportunities we've had here, people think we're rich. They couldn't be farther from the truth. This evening after our final class, we talked to our sensei about a field trip we had not been able to go to because we couldn't afford it. We explained to her about walking to school and having missed her classes on the days when we just couldn't make it, told her how we have $69.00 to live off of for the rest of the month. Sensei sounded so shocked to hear that there have been nights where we didn't eat anything. I remember when we told Nozomi, she was shocked too. Is it really so shocking? This has been my lifestyle for at least a year now. It's almost as if their shock doesn't register within me. But, unlike our Sensei for Japanese class, this Sensei completely understood. In fact, she insisted we take 2,000 yen ($20.00) from her, in order to pay for the field trip, the transportation there, and if anything was left over, for dinner. She said that she wanted us to hand in our essay (the one due today) on Tuesday, and that she would be going to the Dean of the school to try to figure out how they could just let this happen to some kids at their school.
She really cared. Marysa and I broke down crying. I felt so stupid (especially because I look so dumb crying). But to have a teacher really care that much...It was much like our Chinese professor from our home school, who had tried to help us out after hearing about our situation. Even with all the bad professors and bad people in the world, there are still these caring ones.
And in addition, I feel like one of the luckiest girls in the world. Sure, there might be days where my "meal" is a tiny curry pan, but you know what? Having come to Japan, I was able to work with the Royal Ballet of London as an actress for their Japan Tour. I was able to be an extra in the TV show "Tumbling." I went to a AAA concert (my favorite band) and sat four rows back from the front, where they actually stopped in the middle of their performance to talk to me and my sister (and the one who had initiated the conversation was none other than my favorite of them all, and my long-time-celeb crush, Shinjiro Atae--I'll never forget his pretty eyes looking right at me). After that, Marysa and I met some of AAA again at the AAA meet & greet, where again I got to see Shinjiro, touch his hand, and see the most beautiful, intrigued, happy look in his eyes. The same look I've seen him get when he sees something he likes~ Next Monday, Marysa and I have been cast in a French-Japanese film as the lead actresses, opposite the famous Japanese actor Akira Yasuda. We meet him and the rest of the cast and crew tomorrow. And because of a very kind LJ user, we might also be extras in Koji Seto's new movie, time-permitting.
I can't, and won't forget, the amazing people we've met along the way too. Even though this semester is coming to a close, all the "little" people we met brought something important to my life here. From convenience store workers, to classmates, to the nice girl at the local market....So many people, too little time. And yes, as a poor girl, I got to meet them all, and got to do all these amazing things.
Right now, I seemed to have picked up some sort of eye infection. Unfortunately, there is still no money to take care of it, but the semester is almost over, so I'm hoping I can go home and have it treated. Marysa and I also seem to have done a number on our feet, maybe from walking too much. And because I can't afford to take care of myself, I know my skin will get bad again, and that there will be lots of problems, like the way things usually are.
But all that being said, I don't care. I'm used to it. And after the amazing things I was able to do here, things I would never have dreamed of, I feel no need to complain. Instead, I'll just look right on to the future and know that dreaming the impossible just might finally make those "impossible"s possible.
And so now I'm gonna leave you with a song that has become my theme song for out here, for everything Marysa and I have been through. Not only is it befitting, as it was the theme of the show we were part of, but it was also a song played in the streets of Shibuya since we first got here, and a song that has continued to inspire us throughout our entire stay. Manazashi, by Honey L Days. And here is the english translation of the lyrics, below the video:
Even if they say I am worthless, I can't change, I am here
Though I know that there's nothing left but to raise my head and take a step forward
Not being able to deceive is the tear of regret
Because we won’t be hindered Our tomorrow
I'll definitely be able to fly strongly, strongly, highly
I’ll get off from the ground the greatest
Forever
I’ll chase I’ll chase
Determined This dream
I don’t need a grandiose map
Running off Running off
Straight the trackless path
Reckless look
To tomorrow
I don’t have to be called miserable to be aware of it, I was there
I don’t want to bend The look which only my heart connects to tomorrow
Living as it is Realizing my weakness
Not giving up Continuing to believe
I'll definitely be able to fly strongly, strongly, highly
I’ll get off from the ground many times
Forever
I’ll chase I’ll chase
Determined This dream
Endless hope in my heart
Running off Running off
Straight the trackless path
Not surrendering look
To tomorrow
If you abandon hesitation and pain Because there’s no tomorrow
Whatever difficulties will lock the way
Someday Someday I will exceed to the infinite sky
Forever
I’ll chase I’ll chase
Determined This dream
I don’t need a grandiose map
Running off Running off
Straight the trackless path
Reckless look
Forever
I’ll chase I’ll chase
Determined This dream
I don’t need a grandiose map
Running off Running off
Straight the trackless path
Reckless look
To tomorrow
The truth is
I'm a poor girl. I don't feel poor at all, to be honest. And I'm sure to my Senseis and friends, it doesn't seem like I'm poor at all. I remember, after meeting Leslie Kee (the one who photographed Shinjiro Atae), his assistant really didn't believe Marysa and I were just poor farm girls, maybe because we were at Omotesando Hills (aka the rich district) or because we had dressed nice for the event. I don't know for sure.
But my life story is something like this. Six years ago, our dad took everything from our family. When he split from mom, he demanded either the house or some form of monetary compensation from her. He didn't want us or our sister. In the end, to keep a roof over our heads, mom had to choose the money. And so, because of the bad courts in our home state, dad was given mom's entire pension as compensation.
Since then, it's been a downward slope for her, and for all of us (though I still believe it's toughest on mom). Never enough money to feed the entire family, always behind on the bills, always being laid off from her job...She has it so tough. And yet she always finds time for us. Last year, our grandmother moved into the house with her. She was already having a hard time taking care of four people, imagine five! Things have gotten even worse for her, so much so that she can't afford to send us a single penny for being out here.
In our case, Marysa and I just got used to nights with little to no dinner. Mom always tried her best to have a dinner on the table, but some nights it just wasn't possible. Those were rare and far between of course, because she always managed to spend the little money she had on making sure we were all well-fed. I always wished Marysa or I could help out, but the truth is, considering how small our state is and how there are already too many people there, jobs were very scarce (and nationwide in America, it is becoming a problem), and it was impossible to find a place to work, especially considering a) we lived in the country where there were few jobs and b) we'd have to drive to the city for work, but we only had one car, and that was for mom.
Going to college...that was both a blessing and a burden for our family, I think. In America, colleges and universities have this system called FAFSA, which looks at tax returns and other personal information of students and their parents, to determine how much the government should pay towards the student's education. Because our family was already so poor, our expected family contribution for college (for both of us) was $0. I remember one of our friend's families was expected to pitch in $100,000. Hearing that, I couldn't believe it. I didn't think then and I still almost don't how weird it is for someone to have an expectation of $0 to pitch in for college.
Anyway, Marysa and I got accepted into the Honors program of our current university with everything completely paid for by the state (this was probably due not only to our social status, but also because of the straight-A grades we managed to maintain in high school). While some of these payments were government loans, everything was still paid for. Maybe this was because they also recognized us as first generation college students, and twins, meaning the same family would have to pay double the tuition. I'm not sure.
Anyway, first and second semester of our freshman year were amazing. Because of the full scholarships, we were basically okay. We both were given jobs (as part of our financial aid package) and so were finally able to work. I'll never forget our amazing freshman year. But the bad things started happening in sophomore year. When we returned to school for fall of that year, we were in a rut, because the dorms were now too expensive, enough so that we didn't have enough money--even with all the government money--to live in one. All semester we were haunted by the looming $2,000 we had not been able to pay because our financial aid didn't cover it. By that point, we also didn't have a single dime to our names, so there were nights where we just didn't eat at all. On top of that, a rich snob on the internet had also started attacking us, the reasons for which I'll never fully understand. Because we didn't agree with her "pairing" or because we had created a similar website to hers....That website had only been created by us to give us something to enjoy, aside from school work. Whatever the reason though, her insanity had doubled the huge problems already in our life.
But we tried not to focus on that. Even though the school was supposed to give us a job as part of our financial aid, they refused to do so, even though we had done so well with our other job the previous year that we'd been given a scholarship because of it! And so, we went hungry with our school caring very little. Eventually, a temporary job opportunity popped up. First we had planned to work at Burger King, because it was the only place hiring, but even after one day, the manager--an immigrant to America--insisted that she needed to hold onto our social security cards, or she wouldn't pay us. Considering that the social security card is basically your identity in America, that was impossible to do, so we had to quit.
The other job...That was even worse. It was to work as a campaigner for a guy who was running for the state comptroller election for two weeks. Every day we had work, we had to walk the 50+ blocks up to his office, to pick up the campaigning fliers and other materials, and then head out. Our job? It was to sneak into security-guarded apartments to knock on people's doors and ask them who they would be voting for in the comptroller elections. Then we would have to record their answers and give them information about the guy we were campaigning for. I'll never forget being chased down the stairs by a security guard in one building, or watching one of our fellow campaigners get shoved by the old man whose apartment door she had knocked on. So many people insisted they were calling security, while some others were very nice. But regardless of how nice some were, it didn't justify the job. Apparently, this job was actually forcing us to sneak into closed apartment complexes. Meaning that if we were caught, we'd be arrested. At the time, we had no idea, doing it just because we needed the money. But even then, I knew I didn't want the guy I was campaigning for to win, just because of his dirty tactics (and he didn't win, for the record).
Unfortunately, without a choice, Marysa and I had to complete that job. And I guess, eventually, we became well-known amongst the leaders of the campaign, because we walked to work every day, were very friendly with everyone we met at the apartment doors (we got invited in by a lot of sweet old women, and one old lady talked with us for a very long time, asking us to come back if we could), and actually managed to complete two apartment buildings in one day, both of which were buildings on the outskirts of the city and had been neglected the entire campaign. I think our work ethic was appreciated, at least.
Anyway, in regards to that, we were finally paid, and finally able to start buying food again. Of course we eventually ran out of the money we made (since the job had been a temporary one or two weeks), but it helped. And it also helped that we had a good friend to support us along the way. Eventually, when we ran out of money again, there arose the problem of getting home for Thanksgiving holiday. We were so sure it was impossible. For Thanksgiving, our grandmother was moving into our home, and we wanted to be home to help out. Luckily, our good friend and professor drove all the way to the state our university is in, just to bring us home.
We had a good Thanksgiving together that semester, though the moving was tough (and once again, our friend/professor helped with the move). But that was also when the attacks by the internet stalker got worse. She started pretending to be different people and using those fake names to attack us. I'll never forget the night we had to return to our school--a four-hour trip by car. We had gone on our website, only to find that that girl was pretending to be some guy she had made up, just to attack us publicly. Knowing the hell we were returning to and that our website had been a means of happiness for us, that was one of the worst things imaginable.
When we got back to school, despite the attacks online, despite the lack of food again, Marysa and I never lost sight of our dreams to return to Japan. We had gone the summer before because our Japanese friends had expected us to visit them, with the combined money from our job the previous semester and some help from our friend. Japan had been amazing, and we knew it was the place we had to be. And so, through it all, we maintained a straight-A average in school last semester, and applied for Japan. And were accepted. I think that was what got us through the rest of the semester, the knowledge of where we would soon be.
Once fall semester ended, we went home and tried to find a job again. Luckily, our friend recommended us to work at a college bookstore in our home state. And we ended up getting a job there that later paid for our flight to Japan for this semester. The rest of the money we had to live on here? It was taken from the financial aid of our home tuition. Because of the partner program our home school has with our school here in Japan, we only had to pay our home school's tuition. This meant that some money would be left over, because we didn't need to pay for a dorm out there.
That was the money we were using to live out here. And of course, eventually it ran out. Considering we were so used to living with nothing at our home school, we didn't think too much of it. The problem was that, unlike at our home school, our apartment here is much farther from the school. At home, our school was a five minute walk from our dorm. Because our Japanese class here met every single day of the week, it became impossible for us to walk there every day, especially in the heat. We missed many classes because of it.
Another reason why we ended up stopping going to Japanese class altogether was because of the discrimination there. Not to anyone else, but just to Marysa and I. I don't know why our teacher treated us the way she did...maybe she just didn't like twins. But from the very beginning, no matter how much we told her that Japanese was our major and our passion, she just didn't believe us, or just didn't care. When we got an answer right in class, she would only say, "Ii deshou." (Maybe that's right), whereas for anyone else in the class, if they got an answer right, she would say "Ii desuyo!" (That's right!). When she told everyone in class to pick a partner to practice with in class, she told everyone they could work with their friends, but always insisted Marysa and I could not work together because we were "twins." There was lots of other things she did too, like taking points off of our tests for things that other students didn't get marked wrong on. And then other stupid things in class. But eventually, because of our missed classes from not being able to walk to school, we lost full attendance points. And later, when we took a quick, one-week job to pay for our food out here and to hopefully get a subway pass, we had to miss two days of school in order to work. Because of those two days, Sensei took away all our class participation points as well. Even when we explained our situation to her, she didn't care. She didn't care at all. And she probably didn't believe it either (or, at least, she didn't consider it). Instead, for all the days where we had been absent and had missed a test or quiz, she counted that test or quiz as a 0. She didn't give us the option to make the tests up or to just not count them. Instead, she said they would count as 0s. Meaning that the 90 average we had on all our other tests wouldn't matter, because the 0s would automatically destroy our grade.
Even though we came to Japan to learn Japanese, we stopped going to that class. There's no reason, considering we no longer receive points for "attending" or for "class participation." We already had enough 0s on tests where we had been absent that our good grades in the class no longer mattered. So our plan is to go to the final exam of that class and ace it, since we understand the material taught in class and have been teaching ourselves from home. In that way, maybe we can pass with a D. (Which to me is still an F.)
But, despite this, we're very lucky
I think, because of the opportunities we've had here, people think we're rich. They couldn't be farther from the truth. This evening after our final class, we talked to our sensei about a field trip we had not been able to go to because we couldn't afford it. We explained to her about walking to school and having missed her classes on the days when we just couldn't make it, told her how we have $69.00 to live off of for the rest of the month. Sensei sounded so shocked to hear that there have been nights where we didn't eat anything. I remember when we told Nozomi, she was shocked too. Is it really so shocking? This has been my lifestyle for at least a year now. It's almost as if their shock doesn't register within me. But, unlike our Sensei for Japanese class, this Sensei completely understood. In fact, she insisted we take 2,000 yen ($20.00) from her, in order to pay for the field trip, the transportation there, and if anything was left over, for dinner. She said that she wanted us to hand in our essay (the one due today) on Tuesday, and that she would be going to the Dean of the school to try to figure out how they could just let this happen to some kids at their school.
She really cared. Marysa and I broke down crying. I felt so stupid (especially because I look so dumb crying). But to have a teacher really care that much...It was much like our Chinese professor from our home school, who had tried to help us out after hearing about our situation. Even with all the bad professors and bad people in the world, there are still these caring ones.
And in addition, I feel like one of the luckiest girls in the world. Sure, there might be days where my "meal" is a tiny curry pan, but you know what? Having come to Japan, I was able to work with the Royal Ballet of London as an actress for their Japan Tour. I was able to be an extra in the TV show "Tumbling." I went to a AAA concert (my favorite band) and sat four rows back from the front, where they actually stopped in the middle of their performance to talk to me and my sister (and the one who had initiated the conversation was none other than my favorite of them all, and my long-time-celeb crush, Shinjiro Atae--I'll never forget his pretty eyes looking right at me). After that, Marysa and I met some of AAA again at the AAA meet & greet, where again I got to see Shinjiro, touch his hand, and see the most beautiful, intrigued, happy look in his eyes. The same look I've seen him get when he sees something he likes~ Next Monday, Marysa and I have been cast in a French-Japanese film as the lead actresses, opposite the famous Japanese actor Akira Yasuda. We meet him and the rest of the cast and crew tomorrow. And because of a very kind LJ user, we might also be extras in Koji Seto's new movie, time-permitting.
I can't, and won't forget, the amazing people we've met along the way too. Even though this semester is coming to a close, all the "little" people we met brought something important to my life here. From convenience store workers, to classmates, to the nice girl at the local market....So many people, too little time. And yes, as a poor girl, I got to meet them all, and got to do all these amazing things.
Right now, I seemed to have picked up some sort of eye infection. Unfortunately, there is still no money to take care of it, but the semester is almost over, so I'm hoping I can go home and have it treated. Marysa and I also seem to have done a number on our feet, maybe from walking too much. And because I can't afford to take care of myself, I know my skin will get bad again, and that there will be lots of problems, like the way things usually are.
But all that being said, I don't care. I'm used to it. And after the amazing things I was able to do here, things I would never have dreamed of, I feel no need to complain. Instead, I'll just look right on to the future and know that dreaming the impossible just might finally make those "impossible"s possible.
And so now I'm gonna leave you with a song that has become my theme song for out here, for everything Marysa and I have been through. Not only is it befitting, as it was the theme of the show we were part of, but it was also a song played in the streets of Shibuya since we first got here, and a song that has continued to inspire us throughout our entire stay. Manazashi, by Honey L Days. And here is the english translation of the lyrics, below the video:
Even if they say I am worthless, I can't change, I am here
Though I know that there's nothing left but to raise my head and take a step forward
Not being able to deceive is the tear of regret
Because we won’t be hindered Our tomorrow
I'll definitely be able to fly strongly, strongly, highly
I’ll get off from the ground the greatest
Forever
I’ll chase I’ll chase
Determined This dream
I don’t need a grandiose map
Running off Running off
Straight the trackless path
Reckless look
To tomorrow
I don’t have to be called miserable to be aware of it, I was there
I don’t want to bend The look which only my heart connects to tomorrow
Living as it is Realizing my weakness
Not giving up Continuing to believe
I'll definitely be able to fly strongly, strongly, highly
I’ll get off from the ground many times
Forever
I’ll chase I’ll chase
Determined This dream
Endless hope in my heart
Running off Running off
Straight the trackless path
Not surrendering look
To tomorrow
If you abandon hesitation and pain Because there’s no tomorrow
Whatever difficulties will lock the way
Someday Someday I will exceed to the infinite sky
Forever
I’ll chase I’ll chase
Determined This dream
I don’t need a grandiose map
Running off Running off
Straight the trackless path
Reckless look
Forever
I’ll chase I’ll chase
Determined This dream
I don’t need a grandiose map
Running off Running off
Straight the trackless path
Reckless look
To tomorrow
no subject
Date: 2010-10-27 03:40 pm (UTC)It has really inspired me:
1) to work harder so that I can be able to reach out and achieve my passion.
2) to not judge people just by outer appearances or first impressions.
3) to be appreciative of all the blessings in my life
I wish you and your sister all the best going forward. I pray that you both will triumph over the bad seasons and achieve your dreams!